Intimacy

Post 220

In wrestling with the outcome of events Did I “walk on air” as originally intended in excited anticipation? I’m afraid I did not. Very much like Peter jumping from the boat and beginning in unwavering faith, I started out well but soon I too began to sink in confusion of “what is the right thing?” brought on by my circumstances of temporal reality as I know it; I felt compelled to respond as I did. Jesus rescued me and led me back to the boat and so in embarrassment of a grand idea failed I find myself again sitting among my boatmates of regular life.
Could I have done better if I had more faith? Sadly the answer has to be yes; “O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” Matthew 14:31. I even knew better by the record of scripture! Shame on me!
Oh how I wanted, and expected to do better! And now that I sit here in the boat of life about to head off to my new job, I longingly wish I had not doubted because of all the personal intimacy I will now miss out on. But that opportunity is now gone and the scenario is over. We are in public now and with it comes responsibility of public conduct.
It is hard to explain in temporal terms where the difference can be identified; Peter was with the Lord on the sea, and still with the Lord in the boat afterwards, so what makes the difference? The personal intimacy with the Lord is somehow greatly diminished though not gone. How do I describe it?
As I begin my mornings in prayer as usual and then a much shorter study than before, I find it is there where I am still “with the Lord” in that same “walking on the water” intimacy, before I take up rowing in the daily grind of life with the others. In attempting to express in meaningful words what this is like, I more fully comprehend the big picture of “waiting” as described in the previous post. A FaceBook friend made a comment regarding her absent fiancé that I thought describes it perfectly;

“My day is now wonderful! :) I got to talk to my man! Funny how one person’s voice can make the world seem complete again!”

I find my mornings of prayer and brief study are this kind of short phone-call to my Lord who not long ago was with me all day locked away in privacy without another care in the world. This present separation is not due to problems in the relationship but simply a part of life, and in fact the yearning of love grows stronger because of the separation.

As I continue to study the kingdom of heaven as described in Matthew 24 just before beginning the parable of the 10 Virgins, I have a much greater appreciation for the concept of this period of longing separation from our Lord and our eager anticipation of the promised union coming soon.
I have much to post on this issue and hope to somehow squeeze in enough time each day to continue this topic, but sadly I can no longer devote all day every day to the work as temporal duty now calls.
Having experienced my Lord in a very intimate way I am already hating the separation now required and long for the day when we will be reunited in the kingdom of heaven.

And so again I leave you with the still unanswered question “What IS the kingdom of heaven?”